Revelations, and a smile

So I'm at the point in my therapy where I'm to watch videos of mice and rats. Again, I'm not supposed to be watching videos which sensationalize the fear factor, nor should I be watching videos of mass amounts of mice and rats. I did a quick YouTube search and I decided I was better off watching videos that came up in a search for "pet mouse" because they were more likely to not be seen scurrying around and hiding like the little creeps that they are.

I saw some interesting videos. I set a goal to watch 2-4 videos a day, and that's what I've been doing. So, my revelation: I don't hate all parts of the mouse or rat. I only hate their tails, their feet, their eyes, their snouts, their whiskers, their arms and legs, and their faces. Their bodies (minus all of the stuff I listed), and their ears are okay.

I am able to watch videos now without a whole lot of anxiety. When I first started watching them I was very anxious, but now it is okay for the most part. I found a YouTuber named CreekValleyCritters, and their videos are very well done. They are so well done, in fact, that I actually smiled at one point. CreekValleyCritters has a mouse named Stuart, and Stuart got a little sister named Matilda. When I was watching Stuart with his bald tiny baby sister Matilda I actually smiled. Unbelievable. I've posted it here for you to see:

After watching a few videos I felt a little brave and started clicking on YouTube's suggestions instead of my safe(r) "pet mouse" finds. I found a video of a mama mouse relocating her tiny babies. It scared the crap out of me because this was a pest mouse, not a pet mouse. She was scurrying. I hate scurrying. I felt so anxious, chest pounding anxious, and I turned the video off and looked up at the TV. There happened to be a rat on the TV at that very moment, and my partner Michelle who usually shelters me from such things isn't sheltering me now because I'm working on overcoming this phobia, so I saw it. Now I'm done for the next few days. I feel like I need some recovery time. ;)