Mouses and Mices and Rats, Oh my!

Mouse.
Mice.
Rat.
Rats.
Holyshitohmygod.

Today I had my second visit with my psychologist, Megan. We talked about some issues I had encountered since my first/last visit. I told her about all the issues that happened at work since we last talked; the day I felt "trapped" in a room with the traps, the rodent who got in the desk and ate ketchup, and the rodent who got in the desk and ate the Halls and a tshirt. I told her that an exterminator came today and laid traps in our area, and I told her how there is no plan for him to come back to check the traps.

We focused on one of those situations; and I chose the one in which I went into the HR area and saw the three traps and I didn't know how I was going to make it out of the room. We went through my thought process:

• Why did I come in here when I could have gone to another floor instead?
• How am I going to get out of here?
• I don't think I can get out.
• There could be rodents in the traps which are right at my feet, mere inches from me.
• I don't know if I can do this.

We talked about the emotions I felt: Fear, anxiety, helpless, despair.

The general theme was: I am not in control. I am helpless.

Megan asked me to think of some alternative thoughts to the thoughts up above. Together we came up with:

• I'm engaging in a process to work on my phobia.
• I won't feel this way forever.
• I am courageous for doing this.
• They are just traps.
• My first step is to learn about my avoidant behaviour.
• I learned to be afraid and I can learn not to be afraid.

We talked about the emotions I may have felt had I have thought these feelings instead of the ones I actually felt. We think the feelings would have been less anxious and less afraid.

The general theme in this scenario? I got this!

So, on to step one for me!

Step 1:

See the word

Mouse. Mice. Rat. Rats.

I love my phone. It's always in my hand, so tonight on the way home I changed my wallpaper and lock screen. Want to see it?

I'll be completely honest. When I was changing the background on my phone I was really anxious. My heart was pounding, I felt nauseous and weak. But then I looked at the words. I realllly looked at the words. They're just letters. They're just letters. My daughter's name is Kamryn. K-A-M-R-Y-N. Those letters don't make her who she is. They're nothing in the grand scheme of things. They're just letters.

So far so good. 

Denise