Progresssion

Step One has continued to go well. I found that it didn't take long at all before I stopped feeling any anxiety in regards to seeing the words "Mouse, Mice, Rat" on my iphone. I decided to step things up a bit by asking Kamryn to put signs around the house with the words that used to be banned from our home. Now when I open my pantry I see "Rats" and in the bathroom I see "Mice", and even right beside my bed on the wall I see "Mouse".

My daughter had a blast doing this, because for so long she and the rest of my family have also avoided the words for me. Again, it didn't take long before these signs were a non-issue, so people have started to drop the words when talking or texting me. Sometimes I feel a bit anxious, but for the most part it's ok. Perfectly ok. I can totally do this. :)

It was then time to move on to Step Two. I have been saying "mouse, mice, rat and rats" as much as I can. A friend commented that it actually freaked him out to hear me say it! I thought that was pretty funny.

I will probably keep at this step for another few days before moving on to the next one, which will be looking at pictures (cartoon or drawings). I feel as though I'd like to start that now, but because I still have a bit of reaction every once in a while to hearing the word rat randomly, I may wait just a few days.

I'm anxious to get this all behind me. :)

Mouses and Mices and Rats, Oh my!

Mouse.
Mice.
Rat.
Rats.
Holyshitohmygod.

Today I had my second visit with my psychologist, Megan. We talked about some issues I had encountered since my first/last visit. I told her about all the issues that happened at work since we last talked; the day I felt "trapped" in a room with the traps, the rodent who got in the desk and ate ketchup, and the rodent who got in the desk and ate the Halls and a tshirt. I told her that an exterminator came today and laid traps in our area, and I told her how there is no plan for him to come back to check the traps.

We focused on one of those situations; and I chose the one in which I went into the HR area and saw the three traps and I didn't know how I was going to make it out of the room. We went through my thought process:

• Why did I come in here when I could have gone to another floor instead?
• How am I going to get out of here?
• I don't think I can get out.
• There could be rodents in the traps which are right at my feet, mere inches from me.
• I don't know if I can do this.

We talked about the emotions I felt: Fear, anxiety, helpless, despair.

The general theme was: I am not in control. I am helpless.

Keeping my distance

It's been almost a week since I last posted. I have been lucky enough to be able to keep my distance from the office area where all of the sightings have been at work. This means I don't have to work where I'm most uncomfortable (for now), but the crappy part is that by keeping my distance from that area I'm sitting by myself instead of with my friends/coworkers. Some people have been good at stopping by to visit, and they even try to remember to invite me on the Timmie's runs. :)

Yesterday a coworker came to me to say that there are still some issues in our area. Last week, as I blogged earlier, a rodent ate through ketchup in a coworker's desk drawer and the entire desk had to be cleaned out. Since then the same coworker had a package of Halls in his desk which was destroyed over the weekend. There was also a t-shirt that was eaten through, which I'm told means they are likely to be building a nest. :( That creeps me out because I obviously don't want them making babies and multiplying at work!

The coworker with the desk issue is now trying to trap them himself. He's leaving bait and traps in his desk, and I'm scared it's just going to encourage the rodents to keep coming around.

Other than these incidents it's been pretty status quo. I stay away from the bad area, but I try to spend a little time each day on the ground floor in the less-bad area especially if I have a friend who's willing to hang out with me, and luckily there's always someone up to the task. I feel as though, since deciding to tackle this issue, I seem less scared than I was, but only when I'm not at risk of an encounter. When I'm at risk of an encounter I have a lot of anxiety. I can't tell you if it's better or worse than before because outside of work I haven't had a perceived "real" risk of encountering them in quite some time.

Tomorrow I go for my second appointment with Megan. I'm excited. :) I think tomorrow we start step one.

Just another day at the office

It's getting more and more difficult to do my job. I hate this.

Today started out well. I got to work just before 10, and I had some stuff to do that would be rather enjoyable. All self-paced stuff that I needed to catch up on. I had a few accounts I had to access for follow-ups, then I had three conference calls that I missed and I was going to listen to the recordings. Today was also my Boss's first day back after the holidays so he'd be in as well.

I finished my account work first, then listened to one of the calls and I started the second. I literally had 2 or 3 minutes left of the second one when my boss stopped by my desk to say I could leave at 4:00. Awesome. We put in so much extra time unpaid so every now and again we get sent home early. At this point it was around 3:10.

As he's standing at my desk, a coworker came over and suggested I not go to another coworker's desk. I immediately felt scared and panicked. My boss walked over to the other desk and was there for about 5 minutes. It's literally two desks away so I could normally hear the conversation, but I was having a tough time because my heart was pounding so loud in my ears. I did hear one or two things. Ewen, the man at the desk with the issue said he saw "it" twice, and that "it" actually ate through a package of ketchup at his desk.

Boss came back to my desk and saw that I had rolled my chair away from my desk so I was in an open area. I have no idea what I looked like, but he looked at me and said, "Go home."

I packed up my crap and started toward the door. Ewen was cleaning out his drawer. I asked, "Was it IN the drawer?" Three blank stares looking back at me, and someone asked, "How do you want me to answer that?" OMG. In case you didn't get that; Holy Shit! It was IN his DESK DRAWER. Honestly, is any place safe? That's so frightening.

I asked my partner to come ASAP to pick me up. I went outside because I didn't want to stay in the building. I couldn't. It was a balmy -27C today. I started walking toward home and not long after my partner came for me.

I'm not sure how I'm going to get through the next few months. Tomorrow I'm going to sit on another floor. I can't be on the ground floor if I can help it. However, I do have a meeting tomorrow and Thursday from 9:30-1:00 on the ground floor.

It's been more than two hours since I left work and my chest is still tight and heavy. My boss said he has to tell everyone about keeping perishables in the fridge, but that's not going to make a difference. This sucks so bad. How is it that I've been with this company for 5 years and only now I'm having to deal with it?

When I got home I realized I had a candy in one drawer, and shoes in the other. I called my boss to ask him to throw away or eat the candy, and turn my shoes upside down so nothing will get in them. I hate this so much. :(